I’m really fortunate that I was introduced to Anna Blake very early in my adult horsemanship life. Her class on calming signals did a lot to shape my approach to my horses by introducing the notion that horses communicate with us, and if we want a true partnership with our horse we have to learn to listen. A partnership involves two voices, after all.

The language of horses is calming signals. You might see them called a “release” elsewhere. It is remarkable progress from when I was a kid – when we thought horses were “naughty”, “disrespectful”, and trying dominate over us, versus now when we know the bad behavior was often them trying to communicate pain, fear, upset, or any of the complex emotions that horses have. We also now know they don’t actually have a dominance hierarchy – in fact, the only animals who do, besides humans, are other primates. So the ideas of the boss mare and the stallion in charge are actually just us superimposing our own understanding of social structure over theirs. We’ve spent a lot of time misunderstanding what our animals are trying to tell us.

Horses that are treated with old-school, dominance-based techniques often shut down – what’s the point of talking if no one ever listens to you? Talos was shut down when I got him – a year of being alone in a pasture, hardly ever ridden, no one interacting with him would make a lot of horses depressed, plus his training methods prior to that were less about building a partnership and more about making him perform tricks. He’s clearly not used to someone caring what his opinion is, and so it’s hard to get him to talk. Slowly, gradually, it’s starting to come out though. I like to think he’s pleasantly surprised every time he gets what he asks for.

Contrast Talos’ quiet whisper with Griffy. Griffy is used to having someone who listens, and so he talks LOUD. Our relationship is similar to that of an old married couple – where I am the senile, slow one:

Griffy: “I’d like you to step away and breathe.”
Me: “WHAT? THERE’S WAFFLES WITH SYRUP AND BEES?”
Griffy: *exasperated sigh* “NO. Step away and BREATHE.”
Me: “Ohhhh…step away and breathe. Got it.”

The first time I ever got it right, we were still at Wyvern Oaks. The owners had taken their other horses offsite, so Griffy had been alone all day. He looked so relieved when I showed up – there was a lot of anxiety, and a lot of yelling.

My plan was to take him for a walk, but the minute we got into the road he began dancing around and calling out repeatedly. Before the calming signals class, I would have dragged him along the trails, ignoring his desire to stay home because “it’s good for him to get out and walk!” He would have stubbornly stopped walking, trying to go back home, both of us miserable and frustrated. But thankfully I realized in that moment, “He’s telling you this isn’t what he needs right now.” and also, “Why did you pay for that class if you aren’t going to listen?” So instead of dragging him along the trail, we went to the big field behind the pasture and just grazed for a while. He could still see home, but now there was grass to eat. The horse I walked back with was 100% calmer than the horse I walked out with.

I know I don’t always get it right, but the times I do are so rewarding it’s inspiring to keep trying. I look forward to Talos becoming confident enough to shout his wants from the hills like Griffy does!